before u read this, i wd like to make clear again that these views expressed r entirely my own, n in reading this, u recognize that it is an open diary so NO statement over here can b relied upon as true. u r free to disagree, n if wif haf any probs, just click the x button on the top right-hand corner of the screen n u’ll feel much better!
today, i’ll share my thoughts on a very sensitive topic. Faith.
as u all haf guessed, its pretty obvious that i believe in God. my reasons r not very philosophical, but they make sense to me.
1) i’ll never ever noe if god actually exsists or not. so its better to believe than not believe, least i realize dat god really exsists after i die n then realize that i was so wrong on such a major issue. its kinda like a gamble.
2) i believe that nothing is accidental. if something is meant to b, there’s a reason behind it. if u study stats u’ll probably already deduce dat theres a 0.0000...(to infinity)1 chance that all our natural laws exsist (n strangely) always follow a neat kind of progression. to this end then, its gd to rmb that its taken scientists centuries to try to understand our natural forces (n they're still trying to do so) so its really quite naive to think dat all these occured by chance; in the absence of a god. so i suppose only god is 'powerful' enuff to engineer such a creation. n if our beloved brain stands in front of her mirror n says, mirror mirror on the wall who’s the brainiest of them all, she’ll b most infuriated to find out dat she’s not the one, but God.
3) i’ve so far had no personal encounters wif god or “allies in the sky” (which can refer to “friendly aliens who’ve come to help us” according to my gp teacher). so i if my god exsists, he remains uncomprehendable.
religion however, is as a separate matter. it does try to explain how God works, but it remains a social construct constructed by humans for humans. created by man for man, to serve as a moral framework to guide us. so it gradually morphs n changes wif time to suit our slowly changing needs. in the polically correct sense, i can phrase it as such; i believe that God is real, but the same cannot b entirely said for religion. churches n temples r just buildings. nothing more.
so wad is my god then?? Buddha? Allah? Jesus? Shiva? Bahomet? Mao? no. i believe that my God is nameless n faceless. this is the mysterious way in which god reveals himself thru us. people profess to placing faith in Buddhism, Islam, Catholicism, Judaism, Taoism n wad have u not, while others haf pop idols, success, happiness, peace as their God. that’s fine too. no faith/creed is falser than the other. the corollary is that none is also truer than the other. this revelation might come as a surprise if u noe that its coming from a baptized catholic. ya n the church probably also deems these views obviously heretical. i’m fine wif dat too.
wad's more important to me is wad i have learnt from church. which is that it has so far quite effectively taught me how to lead a good life. all these years, it has in no way been any source of pain or trouble, so i'm ok sticking wif it. moreover, i participate in church not because i fear my mortality or feel like glorifying him, but more because i see goodness and fellowship in the masses i attend and sometimes play the organ in. i do not see the mass as an opportunity to experience the divine, but i take pride in the fact that it unites n bring people together, though only for 1 hr. dats good enuff. if u want world peace dats the closest u can ever get. one gd eg i can think of is (ohno we're venturing into gp here) accompanying my godparents every sat for novena. come to think of it, it actually forms a good pretext for meeting up regularly wif them and keeping in touch. in fact these novenas haf allowed us to get to noe one another better as we go for makan b4 n after the thing. they haf almost become a second set of parents to me now. kinda like my "extended kin".
the pomp n uplifting music is sometimes a plus i guess. church history is also very colourful n reading up on it is entertaining (to me at least). it makes me take pride in the fact that my faith is very much rooted in culture n tradition, which also makes it very human. so i'm more able to relate to it.
i’m very religious coz i’ve been brought up to b like one. which is why the priesthood crossed my mind, but i decided against it. thats coz i don't hold jesus, mary n the saints as truly exsistent in some time or place. but i also cannot bring myself to say that i don't believe in them either. years of brainwashing haf stopped me from doing that. but for the ritualistic habits that i'm bound to continue practicing, such as sunday mass, i've come up wif my own own secular beliefs. to reconcile my ideas wif wad others tell me to believe in.
in a sense, i’m more agnostic than christian. but at the same time, i can recite the apostles' creed at sunday mass wif little effort as singing ini-lah.
