Past. Present. Future

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

royston tan's 15

ms lu bundled up the art papers in a nice stack after we all handed up our papers one by one. the last few mins saw me painting furiously for my life to complete the painting, n it was a relief dat i managed to paint wad i generally set out to paint.

the As were not perfect, but i haf no regrets. wadever happened, happened. i have given my best effort, n good AND bad, i will accept wadever grades i get. it has been a very painful n testing process, n i look back at it all wif a sense of relief. surprisingly, it makes it all very bittersweet. n IT FEELS SO DAM GREAT! woohoo!

suddenly, wif art over, i feel dat for the first time in 2 yrs, i actually haf no obligations to make. i don’t owe my life to anything or anyone, n people likewise don’t owe me anything.... -though at dis point, i wd like to remind someone out there dat dis fella’s still holding on to my gandhi n i wd want my gandhi back!- simply put, i can actually just take a step back n just well, simply do nothing. there’s a sense of emptiness left by the void that resulted from the sudden evaporation of the As dat happened overnight. i hope dis is not mid-life crisis coz i dong want to die at 36.

i’ve already made some plans of wad i generally want to do wif my long extended holidays til march, b4 ns takes over hahas. not currently planning to take up any job though. to those who did, or plan to, i suppose they haf their reasons but come on lar. we always complain abt having too much work. then when u actually earn ur freedom, pple decide dat working is better....its a strange logic to me. wake up ur ideas can? lolz.

finally located n watched the full uncut version of roystan tan's 15, only officially released here after 27 cuts which seriously did no justice to the work at all. the full version is much more cogent n cohesive. though, wif my rudimentary hokkien i cd barely catch the dialogue. there were no subtitles. it makes it abit diff to noe wad the hell's exactly going on, n for some parts, making sense of the stuff is guesswork. but the acting is so real dat i'm convinced dat i'm watching snippets of the lives of real pple unfold b4 my eyes.

conceptually, it does challenge the stigma dat we attach to pai kias here. yes these gangsters fight -n boy they realli fight- over the smallest things, but given the little dat they haf to hold on to, these things do mean alot to them. n i guess it was something pple like us will never understand. this movie gives a human face to these wayward youths, n show a more rarely seen graphic side of s'pore beyond the glitz of shopping malls n the supposedly goody-two-shoes image we haf constructed for ourselves. at times, i find it diff to understand why some of these youths r driven to drugs n suicide n all that stuff. but one thing's clear here, these pple deserve help rather than the cold treatment.

some emo scenes which show these pai kias breaking down in tears r left much to the viewer's interpretion. very original n refreshing. we realize dat beneath the apparent cold hard exterior, these wayward youths r only human after all. without a family to care for them, they toughen up n grow up quickly, n only haf their fellow ka kias to turn to for companionship. tension runs throughout their relationship, but they still stick to one another through thick n thin. water is thicker than blood here. n the meaning of true friendship comes thru. altho i eventually find it diff to feel for the characters -partly coz i catch less than 30% of the dialogue- royston's 15 remains a very informative, though-provoking n original work.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

-

art is not yet over but i'm already in holiday mood. made some plans already actually. n yesterday went borders, bumped into bro mike! looks very diff in cv attire. n u realli haf to strain ur neck when u talk to him coz his taller than wang zi. aside from the potential attention u can get, i can imagine dat everywhere bro mike goes, he's bound to bump into someone who recognizes him. u noe its funny dat i see buddhist monks n catholic nuns go about in their religious habits but i don't think i've ever seen a priest or brother do the same thing.

watching the west wing, n its seriously chim. normal layman like me seriously catch no ball. doesn't help dat its very american. i don't realli dig the american political legislative system so sometimes it gets confusing finding out who's on who's side. the dialogue can get very technical n it wd certainly help alot if u haf some background knowledge of the job requirements of various staff positions in the white house. i'll survive through to the end of the season n see wad i make of it. its certainly something different.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

(thinking of titles to fill this space is getting quite tiresome.)

all written papers down. one more art paper to go. then...bliss.

just starting my compilation of alvin ong’s greatest hits. it is a package of 10 sides of drawing block packed wif drawings, paintings n writings dat r made to look chim. n all of them have 2 b, i quote mr lee, top class. so. its the usual menu. some paintings of buildings wif the usual blue sky,n....basically just me pulling out all the stops. but work is comparatively more relaxing now, now dat all the history papers r over. n when i finally get my holidays n my life back in a few days time, i won’t want to pick up my paintbrush again for quite a long time. freaking exhausted wif painting n art.

YES we finally made it through jc!!!!!!!! HAHA!!!!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

Chemistry

Introductory Chemistry at Duke University has been taught for about a
zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is
semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever,
so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.

Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry
and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and
labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These
two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they
decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.

So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers
and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then,
what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to
him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but
that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the
final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that
Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each
of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the
first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions
and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be
easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were
unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:

(95 points) Which tire?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

a yr encapsulated.

so finally i’m 18. had birthday dinner wif my parents. invited my godbro along too. it was gd stuff. enjoyed myself so much dat i'm in no mood do anything productive now. well one yr does whizz by so fast lolz. because i rmb typing a birthday entry last yr, it makes dis blog slightly more than a yr old. when i first did my first post on nov 2nd last yr, little did i realize dat fast forwarded exactly a yr into the future, i wd b in the midst of a lvl exam preparation. n receiving the sji newsletter few days ago, i cdn’t help but feel nostalgic all over again. the future then loomed uncertainly in the distance, very much like the mountains in my paintings, but here i am living it, relishing every moment of it, steering myself once again into the unknown once again.

its time for me to look back on 2006. i will remember nj for ao3, esp cj, jon, qing lun, wang zi, crystal, kexin, melanie, shu-en, eudora, gloria, huiyi..n not forgetting pple like kristine n kelvin n BRAIN haha! chionging coursework together wif those wacky aep pple was realli memorable too. art n late days n nights r an extremely potent n volatile combination. there is a special charm in all dat mess n clutter of the art room. n of course, who can forget our dedicated teachers whitby, gilbert lee n ms sim whom we can always count on to b there for us in our learning journey. i'm full of respect n admiration for these pple, who continue to inspire me in many ways. oh yes n there’s uob n syf. when i first painted the window n my nostalgic sji paintings, never in my wildest dreams had i imagined dat one day, the window will hang in the offices of the uob managing director or dat my other paintings will find their way back to my alma mater. but it did. sat novenas, morning assemblies, ubiquitous art lessons, choir concert, band concert n the coming graduation dinner complete this giant intricate web, highlighting the endless variations n subtle harmonies n textures beneath dat seemingly hypnotic constant.

walking down the campus at hillcrest road once again, i see the apparation of a boy dashing out of florence yap’s class. oh n theres aini, apri n gloria stirring up a storm in the art room once again. continuing straight on, i bump into mrs koh n greet her. n theres austere tc11 in the distance.

like bees to honey, ao3 congregate at dis bench facing the pond every morning. quietly anticipating the man who comes to feed the fish.

the canteen benches r all probably dark n empty now, but with pple, they assume a special significance. over bryani n curry don n fish cutlet for some, we launch into highly stimulating conversations once again. the bell goes off, n u find ur feet dragging itself toward tb11 for gilbert lee’s econs tutorial, followed by civics. tb11 was a very special classroom, located smugly next to the staffroom n raintrees, very lively decorated wif class photos, posters, shelves n even art works. oh but gil lee messages our ever efficient econs rep to say on course, so its a detour to dat library, only to bump into the librarian who wags her naughty little finger at u. ‘u boy, library cannot bring water bottle arh.’

To look down into the drained pool.
Dry the pool, dry concrete, brown edged,
And the pool was filled with water out of sunlight,
And the lotos rose, quietly, quietly,
The surface glittered out of heart of light,
And they were behind us, reflected in the pool.
Then a cloud passed, and the pool was empty.

t s elliot, the man with just the right words for anything.

17 november 2006. wad will i b doing exactly 1,2 or 30 yrs from now at 12pm at night? things wd haf changed, but by how much? u noe i always wanted to turn back time n relive those days in pri sch, or sji. but come to think of it, maybe we shd just abide by natural forces n accept our mistakes n appreciate wad we haf. life is short. some say, but its the longest thing u can ever live for. i'm sure we all agree on dat.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

skyline

was so drained after econs 3 today dat i slept straight after dinner. was in no condition to mug. nothing was going in. n now after 3-4hrs of sleep, here i am. the a levels haf seen me doing certain stuff i wdn’t do on a normal day in the life of an alvin. ok everyone's operating on a revisionist lifestyle. for starters, every day of the week has merged into this one generic workday. sunday’s no longer sunday, saturday is no longer saturday. n u can wake up n thinking its mon or tues or even fri n it realli doesn't matter at all.

then there r the oh so late nights which see me cycling at bizarre hrs like 3am in the morning once the content stops going into my head. cycling at these ungodly hrs r quite interesting n unnerving experiences actually. its so quiet in the streets dat u only hear the crickets. u see entire rows of terrace houses with absolutely no lights on, save for the few exceptions. i suppose other pple do study late into the night. so yar i guess i do haf neighbours who r probably sitting for the As too, if not the Os. on another note, my current fitness condition is definitely not the tops. mindef deems this deserving of a full-time/operationally ready status haha.

i’ve given my best for econs, n come what may, i will accept wadever grade i get for get. n the same goes for maths too.

u all may haf seen this poster b4. personally, i think it sums up int history rather succinctly. enough to put lynette lim out of business for 2 yrs lolz

right. time to start wk.

Friday, November 10, 2006

-

maths is over. cdn’t believe dat i cd b so careless. it realli cost me dearly this time. this is no prelim, but it felt like a dam prelim paper after all. just now, when i cleared all my maths stuff from my study table to free up some space for myself i became privy to the amt of work i did for this subject spread over 2 yrs, n the trees i killed in this process. to put it simply, i was quite disappointed wif my performance.

thankfully, a long cycle through my neighbourhood realli put my mind off alot of things, n i can safely say dat i can bring myself to stop brooding over my mistakes n try to salvage the As while i can. i haf made many mistakes in my life, but as they say, life’s like drawing without an eraser. very much like a blog, its understood backwards, but has to b lived forward.

we’re almost nearing the end, yet it seems so far still.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

(screw the title)

i can't believe dat i'm in the midst of the As already. all these yrs, it seemed so distant. n yet it is coming to pass. when i think of these cambridge markers, i think of a dusty, old forgotten cottage. there's losts of snow, lots n lots of it, n inhabiting this seemingly hostile environment, is a wizened artifice of our dearly beloved marker. this fellow's physical appearance seems to suggest dat he/she's about as old as time itself, apparently. n i'd like to imagine dat its a she. makes things alot easier. wif those cliche thick-rimmed glasses with connecting strings, n her dusty mop of hair, she sits marking furiously. next to her sit piles n piles of scripts dotted wif words n squiggly figures dat r almost entirely illegible. or in her eyes, at least. but anyway, dis old piece of antique has apparently growned quite accustomed to dis sort of thing already. she's wad u call a warhorse. guided by candlelight n the warmth of her fireplace, she ploughs thru the scripts n essays slowly but steadily. her hands seem to move wif unnatural swiftness across the paper, its the only part of the body dat seems to b moving; a phenomenon u onli see in grandmother markers of this specimen in cambridge. do not belittle such a creature however, wif one full swipe of her fountain pen, she holds ur fate in her hands.

suddenly, there's a loud thud, which disrupts her concentration. no. its not her playboy santa. this old hag turns around n realizes blardycocklesparrowingers! a huge lump of snow has fallen thru her chimney, n into her fireplace instead, extinguishing dat healthy source of warmth n light dat once was her only source of hope, wisdom, knowledge n inspiration. she curses n swears under her breath. its going to b a long, cold winter. n chances r dat she'll b spending her christmas cooped up in this shithole marking away too, poor thing. sigh. talk about palliative care for the elderly. its depressing to think dat under such conditions, our fates r forged. apparently the 20th century n the industrial revolution has yet to permeate this part of the world.

which begs another question. if all these high n mighty cambridge pple r all lonely grandmothers n grandfathers, then where r the young markers? surely, these old farts were young cambridge markers once. they didn't just pop out of the sky u noe. which points to the fact dat there must b young examiners in cambridge. apparently, the general consensus seems to b dat cambridge is comprised mainly of old farts who seem to live for eternity in these hallowed halls of learning.

for the equally unfortunate student such as myself, its one mth more to go.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

-

ah its so peaceful at night.

wif photographs, the rules governing time n space don’t apply. just haf the suitable music playing in the background n presto, there u haf it. suffused in light n darkness, a still point of the turning world.

saw this quote of the day on my blog. quite clever quote la, i haf to admit. well said. give me 100 yrs on this earth n i’ll never spout anything equally profound; Success is getting wad u want. Happiness is liking wad u get. we yearn for happiness, yet its right there. in dat fleeting moment, what might have been is an abstraction. remaining a perpetual possibility only in a world of speculation.
well of course, if photos r not readily available, i strongly believe that my paintings will b more than adequately equipped to do the same job.

rewatched motorcycle diaries again. abt guevara n his friend’s roadtrip around latin america. hell of a gd show. the acting’s realli refreshingly convincing n the cinematography quite cleverly done. n it helps dat the movie was based on an actual road trip that the 2 pple took so i can actually convince myself dat wad so convincingly happened in the movie is actually true. the ending wif black n white filmed shots of the various pple our protagonist met is a masterstroke. reminds me of how our many experiences combine n unfold in our minds in random progression when we relive our past. its hard to describe wad exactly the director did. u must see it for urself to noe wad i mean. foreign films r sometimes a gd hiatus from all those mass produced no brainer hollywood flicks. n i guess its an added plus that the characters converse in spanish, which amounts to a more authentic n unique experience. can see from subtitles dat they realli knew how to curse n swear. if only they spoke alittle slower so i can try to pick them up n practice them on my art teacher –or a photo of him, which, unfortunately but thankfully i don’t have-. gives me an added satisfaction that he doesn’t understand spanish.