a new unplanned canvas
was reading caron’s blog n was inspired to start blogging again too! :P
just started on a new painting yesterday. its finally going to b my ord painting. something i feel will summarize my 2 years in the army, what i felt, what i learnt there, n what i feel about it now. its pretty late to b starting a painting i noe (there’s a voice in my head telling me its pure folly) but i’m hoping to chiong it in between the days i’m not in nus doing stuff. hopefully it’ll b done by national day. tall order i noe, but hopefully... n hopefully the passion for painting this won’t dry up halfway through. (!)
update as of 290709: painting has been put on hold indefinitely, due to my commitments (school, etc....or actually lack thereof, to even continue painting) and lack of time(sigh...as much as i hate using this excuse, yes, sadly) its all about prioities n painting for personal indulgence isn't at the top of my list right now.
since i’ve ord-ed in march i’ve experienced life as an artist, though not a very successful one seeing the number if commissions i’m handlling. just a handful actually, so few i can count them with my fingers. but dats the idea i guess, its difficult to do so many paintings all at one go. suffice to say, its been a truly enjoyable experience. its something to push urself to wake up every morning. it gives my life some purpose, some meaning. i can paint n paint til i forget the time, yet still continue painting... yeah that’s how i enjoy being so focused at doing something. its a life i have to say goodbye to when uni starts, n hopefully i will learn to enjoy it as much as i enjoy painting :)
yeah like everyone else out there, there’s a big part of me dats so reluctant to start studying again (slackers of the world unite!). but there’s a voice telling me i’m still not ready to put my mark onto the world. n i feel so ill-prepared to face it. outside the wonderful pyrotechnics of my craft, i feel pretty useless really. i guess that’s the price for being so passionate about my art to the extent that i neglect to develop all other aspects of my life.
n when people keep telling me how architects are expected to be all-rounders, there’s this sinking feeling. i noe that i’m not one... not many people r anyway, which explains why brilliant architects are few and far between. you know you can come up with the best ideas and proposals in the world, but u must also know how to market it. n this is where i feel like i’m standing in the mud here. without the force of personality to drive a point home, there’s no way a client, or anyone for that matter, will buy your idea. as the saying goes, people buy people.
its like i’m standing at the foot of an extremely high wall, n i look up but i can’t see where it ends. i’m daunted, n i’m extremely fearful. when i lay down the powerhouse artsy cards, all i see is a lousy hand. sigh... n sometimes when it comes to certain life lessons, its too late to ever learn. i’m thinking like 10, 20 years down the road...n i wonder, will i b an architect pushed around by contractors, clients, developers, engineers n even my own working colleagues? or will i b someone successfully building a masterplan for an entire city in china? perhaps i’ve become too jaded, too bogged down by insecuities, to ever become the confident, decisive man i strive to be.
alvin ong dozed and watched the sawdust trampled night @ 10:16 AM
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