first in last out
listening to – wake me up when september ends
i finished my last ns commitment on thurs. heaved a sigh of relief. these 2 years have been quite a ride. n now all that awaits is my ord.
its been a tough and rough ride all the way till the end. i’ve learnt alot. made many mistakes along the way, n i still do. but i’m always glad to have a bunch of guys to help me when things need to be done. we’ve disagreed with one another on many counts and we’ve told one another off. on many occasions someone else has a better plan, n i wonder if i did the right thing to swallow my pride n follow instead.
how i wish i could draw people to me...
but there are moments in wallaby, seahawk and tekong that stirs the fuzzy feeling. dat through the chaos and the mess, i’ve kept my cool and did what was expected of me.
when i was assigned my role on the first day of the scout course, it was a feeling of silent resignation. i knew i got it cos none of my first year commanders had picked me into their team. i totally hated my job when my ps told me it was a supervisory role.
things were done team level in the course. i felt left out cos i had no team. but i still went thru all the shit with the rest. n when i first donned my jungle hat, i felt i earned it. but i’ve never done a single recce in my entire life. so i wonder, can i sometimes really call myself a scout?
my lowest point was yet to come. due to my attitude, n the fact dat i was very blur, my ps kinda shunned me for another guy to get things done in Crescendo. though i hid these feelings from my platoon mates then, in reality, i felt extremely hurt and ashamed of myself.
then the outfields in the beginning of 2008 became a turning point. i started growing into my job finally. i started to care more about what needed to be done. i started to b more alert n aware. when my first year commanders ord-ed, it was only then i began to mould my job scope. i started doing things out of my own initiative, n made it a habit. in army speak, it became ‘our s-o-p’.
when stage one came along, it was a 100% from me in underslung trainings. n people started trusting in me. from there, it was a hectic n crazily dilating progress to wallaby.
yup. my journey as a scout. that's wad my job WAS, its what i did for 1 and a half years. something i won't experience ever again in reservist... its nothing exciting actually. i might have bored u with my lack of specifics. but they were dug out from somewhere very hidden and deep. its a story of how an artist adapted, learnt and grew in the army. something i’ll think about at my ord parade.
yep dats me on my jeep.
alvin ong dozed and watched the sawdust trampled night @ 10:58 PM
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