Past. Present. Future

Thursday, February 23, 2006

lala

nj has this idea of CAAL week where muggers aka njcians will sign up for courses n workshops the week after ct as a form of enrichment. to put something xtra to ur lousy mugger re-su-me. that week will have no lessons. u just come to sch to attend courses u’re interested in n have signed up for. so u think if like that then can just dong sign up n then skip sch the whole week....RAR BISHHHH!!!!! every mugger die die haf to fulfill fulfill 15 hrs or else vp sae (quote, unquote) “there will b consequences”. yar la, so kia su n submissive pple that we njcians r, we all scram to hit the 15 hr mark.

me ar....so clever. seriously i think dis CAAL thing is a dam stupid idea but give them face, so my policy is, watch all the videos they’re screening. GENIUS right?!!

every dae of CAAL week will b movie marathon for me. yestersdae, njcians supposed to sign up for their “interested courses” at some booths they set up around the sch. i plan sui sui my schedule....then want to go n sign up dat time....one by one ar all find out fully book already. sorry i came too late....wad to do? save ur ass la! me n the class guyz gasak all the remaining movies left available.

the sch was really madness.

everywhere queue here n there, everywhere must squeeze here n there to get thru. especially oasis. wad was usually a quiet secluded corner for over-stressed muggers to hang out n wank quickly turned into some fish market! wad the hell...go there to sign up for this movie...then realize cannot find out where the queues r. the place was so packed that everybody just anyhow join the line. there was no system no law n order. the free market economy in its purest form. zhihao for eg hor, wanted to sign up for this euro movie thingy then queue. queue queue then come to his turn dat time found out AHYA SI LA! WRONG QUEUE! queue so long queue for wad?!! queue queue found out the queue was for LINGERIE WORKSHOP WUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! wd haf liked to see the look on his face.....

todae 12+ went to stamp museum for history excursion so all the lessons after 12 no need to go. means i miss art hahahaha!!!! excusion was ok la.. the old letters on display were quite interesting but other than that theres nothing much to see. so after that dismiss at abt 3 from there walked wif class to city hall mrt....father was in town so he picked me up from there go see doctor. my cough just got worse....requested for 1 dae mc for fri just in case. probably will go sch ba.. evening will go for mass at sji chapel wif sean, then go dinner after dat.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I entered into unknowing,
and there I remained unknowing
transcending all knowledge.

I entered into unknowing,
yet when I saw myself there,
without knowing where I was,
I understood great things;
I will not say what I felt
for I remained in unknowing
transcending all knowledge.

I was so 'whelmed,
so absorbed and withdrawn,
that my senses were left
deprived of all their sensing,
and my spirit was given
an understanding while not understanding,
transcending all knowledge.

He who truly arrives there
cuts free from himself;
all that he knew before
now seems worthless,
and his knowledge so soars
that he is left in unknowing
transcending all knowledge.

The higher he ascends
the less he understands,
because the cloud is dark
which lit up the night;
whoever knows this
remains always in unknowing
transcending all knowledge.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

acjc funfair funorama

went to acjc funfair todae after novena. me n sean met up wif Elson tan nearer the sch there. i can tell u, acjc is a breath of fresh air from the stifling gloom of nj these daes. real breath of fresh air. ok the food n the games r all dam ex. but there r so many stalls set up n u can really feel the atmosphere. not like the mian qiang mian qiang bedeh bedeh events nj organizes. not that i’m feeling envious or wad. i just feel revitalized n my spirits lifted. n it was great catching up wif elson. haven seen him for mths....last time i saw him was like the march old sec 2 gang bbq at east coast. ya. n though he hasn’t changed much, somehow i feel that he has changed very deep down. but on the outside chatting wif him its the same old elson. wif his lame dirty jokes n comments n mannerisms. haha

sometimes its gd to experience something different periodically.

oh ya n on the way out of ac, met GLORIA who was on her way in. surprise surprise. haha. wad a small world.

Friday, February 17, 2006

grey dae. lifes just...not wad it used to b

todae road run was a run wif a difference. class guys ran together thruout, wif kelvin. was fun.

then after that. class outing at cineleisure. had lunch there, played xbox. they had this fighting game n car racing. not too bad. but was still feeling dam tired from yesterdae... n no more movies for me. for past 2 weeks haf been going to the movies every week. cannot go on wasting money like that. so todae didn’t join the class pple for movie. actually quite sad, only abt 8 pple went for the outing. guys only got qing lun, wang zi n me. now i feel very guilty abandoning qing lun after lunch... n esp wang zi decided to follow me n go home, leaving qing lun alone wif the girls. feel very very guilty. wasn’t a very pleasant feeling, especially when all the way from cineleisure to somerset mrt wang zi was complaining n grumbling away. he was dam sore abt lots of things. grumbling abt how other classes go out wif their junior class to do fun things n our class doesn’t n how he doesn’t understand y our class pple don’t like kbox.

he was especially sore abt the kbox part, n sae he will never ever go for any of our class outings again coz they so sian. for the first time i felt like asking him to fuck off n shut up. but ctrl. i decided that not gd to sour relations wif him since we’re classmates. n i noe that sometimes i also complain abt alot of things so i’m not exactly any better than him. so better to control myself.

go home felt moody all afternoon. until cdn’t sleep. too many things on my mind. now also.sometimes i think this feeling is more than sianness, theres something more to it when i think abt sch. n i don’t noe how to change things for the better.

tmw going novena, n then acjc’s funfair for lunch. promised sean that i wd go so ya. n i have tons of revision to do.

life’s just getting tough.

messy.

sometimes i just don’t noe what’s going on or who i am or what u’m doing n where i’m heading.

sometimes i think i’m concerned too much abt what others think n sae of me.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

hectic dae. hectic week. hectic life.

U noe there is a welcome solitude when u wake up in very early hours of the morning, compared to the rush n ductile anonymity of school life.

between 3am to 6pm, bishan is not bishan n jurong is not jurong. occasionally the lone footsteps of someone walking echo past the cozy dwellings, the empty corridors n empty void decks. time n again a car comes out of the silence n cruises easily thru the traffic lights, its headlamps casting fleetingly long shadows over ceiling fans n window shutters.

the street is plunged into silence once again. the mystery n melancholy of a street.

...........
whew wad a dae woh. sch ended at 730...reach home 830..one of the latest so far in the long illustrious checkered history of graveyard shift art lessons. the aep programme is so rigorous, its like a cca already. todae had the THREE HOUR drawing n painting paper. as the title says, ur supposed to produce an artwork from scratch in 3 hrs. most of the time, 3 hrs like any other exam paper is not enuff, so u really need to work on a very tight schedule. trick is to plan n allocate ur time properly, n go in wif a realistic composition/idea to execute, as in not so elaborate la.

well the test was generally ok, good, n i’m quite satisfied wif myself. managed to exceute the work within the time limit, some painting of a toothbrush in an old deserted spanish square. looks quite surreal. only thing is that these daes i’m so busy i don’t have time to hand up a proper prep work. for this drawing n painting paper, students r given a title/theme in advance n ur supposed to do sketches n compose a composition in the weeks b4 the actual exam day. so most students make sure that their preparatory sketches r sam tock gong n solid so just in case they screw up on the actual dae, the prep work can at least save ur marks.

only thing is that all the teachers putting pressure, i barely managed to hand in a few miserable pieces of paper, wif some drawings on it....the prep work component, sure die. but i console myself la, in the real exam i’ll give more serious attention to this prep nonsense. this one play play one. n given the time constraints, very difficult to come up wif quality preparation work. so it is forgivable to slack tis time round.

tired tired. i’m off to bed. must rest well for road run tmw. ciao pplez.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

faking a smile wif a kopi to go

nowadays sch’s getting dam sian. real sianness. just lessons, waste time n more waste time. just that now i have tons n tons of hw, especially the dam maths. all the teachers r applying pressure like nobodys business. even art class now also dong play play, last time hor art teacher just talk cock n waste ur time til 7 in the evening then let u go home. now no more. art got homework! n teacher really pressing us to produce the composition n blar blar setting unreasonable n unrealistic deadlines. tao tia. no wonder why i find myself in a really bad n lousy mood in sch these daes. n the grey buildings in the sch do nothing to soothe such negative sentiments.

lucky fridae got road run, so means teachers have one dae less to fuck the students upside down. so effectively, thursdae can b considered the last dae of the work week. oh n who saes the title must b wad the entry saes. ran out of titles la so anyhow just dump this thing lorz.

Friday, February 10, 2006

tao tia. nao hia weekend

This entire week is characteristic of my typical JC life. long daes, alot of free periods/unproductive lecture periods, unreasonable pace of the maths programme, long art sessions. n u come back home ulta tired, u look back on ur long n uneventful day n u ask urself; this dae has so far been zero work done n yet i feel so tired....n u wonder why. but b4 u noe it ur feet start to gravitate towards the soft n fluffy bed n pop u go to dreamland. next dae u wake up feeling slighty recharged but still very sian n guilty for not doing ur hw, n u go to sch. n u come back after another long n uneventful dae pondering the same question u pondered the dae b4 n pop u go to dreamland again. this continues for approximately 5 working daes. meanwhile, wif a constipated face, u push all the entire week’s workload to the 2 daes of not going to sch known as the weekend.

n i realized that it is impossible for me to complete all the homework i have to do this week in one weekend. “weekend” i realized is a very innocuous n misleading term that masks what actually is 2 daes of not going to sch to waste time n slack. 2 daes i realized...is not very long leh. but they call it "weekend", like make 2 daes sound like holidae like that leh.

for the first time in a very long long time ar, every subject teacher also give homework. n everything is due monday. ahyo die lorz.

wthwth but nvm whatever the case i must still go for my weekly dose of saturdae novena n lunch. n sundae church. these 2 virgin slots die die cannot touch or molest.

haiya must plan out my h/w plan if i hope to clear this week’s workload. n to think that last weekend, i didn’t even get any hw. the world is full of opposites. pangsai popiah.

Monday, February 06, 2006

suddenly i just don't feel the same.

something's not right. ok everything's not right.

i’ve just registered for ns. get that anxious feeling. n booked the medical examination time n date as they requested.....20 march. then submit. then after that realize that SHIT that period there is sure to have common test one so timing sure clash. ahya die la. like that how? cannot change the time already. me being rash once again....over such an important thing. haiz.

i’m trying not to worry abt this too much. if clash will let the sch noe. hope they’ll b able to arrange something. n i also heard that aep students get to have their common tests pushed forward later by one week coz we need to do some stupid ushering for some exhibition held at moe......ahya i realli dong noe what wd happen if this aep exhibition thing, ct n the medical examination clash all together. dong noe.

sch’s these daes been dam sian. sianness really. even i slept thru todae’s art. n i found out that the sofa in the art room is dam comfortable for sleeping.zzz -_- but come home from sch like all feel dam sian. even dong even feel like mugging, which makes me feel even more guilty. i’m like lagging behind in my work for like dong noe how many weeks already. that contributes to the sianness to. ahya these daes have been crap la. there’s just something, something that’s bugging me. n this something....i realli have no idea wad it is.

suddenly everything just doesn’t feel right. is it me in one of my moods of depression?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

how was cny?

falling sick is so sian. my cough got worse yesterdae morning n a fever came to play. so see doctor, gave me 2 days mc. this time my cough better go away 100%. i’ve been having this cough for too too too long. i followed his advice to rest well. he said the last time, the medicine didn’t manage to fully cure me ciz i didn’t rest enuff. so this time i sleep like nobody’s business. everydae i’m probably awake for 4 to 5 hrs. eat n sleep eat n sleep.

n theres no mood to do any work. i’ll find out wad i missed when i go back to sch tmw, n perhaps catch up during the weekend.

this yr’s cny was generally ok la. our family as usual didn’t visit many houses. sometimes less is more. house-visiting is dam sian. the less houses u visit the better. i see my maternal cousins n uncles n aunts on average 2 or 3 times a year. i don’t even noe them la. they r like so distant. n u go to their house is just stone in front of the tv n pretend to do something like eat pineapple tarts on the coffeetable in front of u(something which u can also do at home) n hear the aunties gossip n play banlak. basically try to while away the time until the adults feel they had enuff gossip n gambling n decide to leave.

n there r some aunties who u just don’t want to see. every year when my jiu mu saw me, first thing she ask me is the proper name i’m supposed to address her wif. wad the hell la. i only see u once a year n ur only interested in ur nephew calling u by ur proper name.

this year cny also never go chinatown(if u don't count the one chinese ao students have to go), but never mind. i cd still feel the new year atmosphere.

still the best thing this cny was cny mass n baiduri. baiduri always has a special place in my heart. so many many memories there.