Past. Present. Future

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Hours

The shortest n simplest answer i’ve been able to offer to my haunting landscapes n imagery in art is philip glass’s soundtrack to the Hours. i’ve played it over n over again ever since i first heard it in sec 4 n scarily enuff, i realize that it has, n still continues to inspire me to find a purpose behind my art making.

one thing abt The Hours soundtrack is that it has broken out of tradition in favour of something more meditative, less neatly delineated, n more true to life.

to me, Glass can find in four repeated notes something of the strange rapture of sameness that we see in a boy waking up, brushing his teeth n going to school on an ordinary weekday morning, or a boy responding to timely signals for lectures n tutorials at specific times of the day, or that same boy finding him being whisked off to church every sunday. We, r creatures who repeat ourselves. n we humans, if we refuse to embrace repetition, if we balk at stuff that seems to praise its textures n rhythms, its endless subtle variations beneath that hypnotic constant, we ignore much of what we mean by life itself.

poets were right abt life as a wet n monotonous grey sprinkled wif bright spots. something i used to think only applicable to life in njc.

Monday, April 24, 2006

conjure one

monday morning blues. woke up dam parn chek, n as usual my bed playing mind games wif me. in the mornings the bed becomes super nice n warm. n i've to always wrap up my dream b4 first.

art lesson today was quite slack, but less is more. i managed to ask mr lee to review my preliminary ideas for coursework n he gave very constructive criticism, n i was left feeling inspired to do more for him. but alas the flesh is willing but the body is weak. mr lee has his own style, n despite my initial misgivings abt his slackness, hes actually gd stuff! his direct n pointed comments, really works well in giving his students a clear idea of wad to to do next. its refreshing to haf such an excellent teacher in the midst of the dry impotent desert. i feel blessed.

that day’s photography night trip to st mary of the angels in bukit batok. i can tell u its gd stuff. one feature i quite like about the church is the idea of the central piazza, common to the italian tradition. theres a reflective pool in the middle, n the idea of the central square was given a new, refreshing n startling twist tts really cool. i liked the seamless blend of traditional concepts wif modern elements that worked quite succesfully. rain just ended, so slabs of the floor r still glittering in the moonlight. wif the dramatic nighttime lighting, the church just looked magical. the architecture rivals that of sji, if not for my josephian chauvinism, i’d b inclined to say that this design for the church even surpasses sji’s. but ahem.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Stars r out finally.

this week’s wad a call a typical nj week. uninspiring, tiring, unproductive. nothing fun n memorable to look back on, n nothing fun n memorable to keep u going. jc life. can’t wait for it to come to an end. a waste of 2 years may b too sweeping a statement. but nj to me’s not some place i’d look back wif revulsion n regret, nor is it some place i’d remember as a great memorable ride like wad sji was.

yesterdays art lesson was a long one, ending at 7. old tune. but it somehow reinjected some fuel to continue work on my coursework which has been lying stagnant, n reaching abandoning point for quite some time. listen to my classmates talk abt their work has been really thought-provoking. n i guess wad sets art lesson apart from the others is its very personal nature. we’ll never get any other chance in nj to sit thru an activity reflecting n sharing our ideas about life.

n i discovered today this secret room in the art room where they store the centuries-old art pieces done by our illustrious aep seniors. me n gloria went in n found out that most of it was crap anyway, so its not really a treasure trove but i easily get cheap trills outta this sorta thing. its fun discovering something new to wad u thought never exsisted after so long a period of time. its got that old attic feeling wif all the dust, crampiness n seemingly interesting artefacts lying everywhere seemingly abandoned n forgotten by civilisation.

free periods these days r spent not in library or canteen but in the art room, thinking of ideas for coursework, crapping around, sleeping, or doing maths. n art room got this uber shiok shiok old rattan sofa wif cushion. a place to sleep until shuang shuang on hot unproductive n unispiring daes. zzzz.

this weekend i’ve planned lots to do. catch up on my maths, try to clear the pile of econs hw, think up ideas for coursework, slack around. go st mary’s tmw take picture n do some sketches so hopefullly can get inspiration. go for a jog, swim, n chill out wif sean n sunday. ah, heck i’ll probably end up doing less than half i set out to accomplish.

have a great weekend, ciao pplez.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter thoughts

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes of his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, n the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him n he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, u said that once I decided to follow u, u’d walk with me all the way. But I haf noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed u the most u wd leave me”

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child, I love u and I wd never leave u. During ur times of trial n suffering, when u see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried u.”

busy weekend. i’ve realised that theres so many things to do so little time to accomplish it. old song. so i’d expect an extremely busy week ahead. a product of my procrastination.
not helped my the long art hours. ah well, very often, i’ve realized, our problems r of our own making.

this easter weekend has been kind of life-changing. a result of too much church i guess...haha.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

wednesdae reflections

Wassup pplez. i’m back. updates these daes haven been very regular, n i also notice other pple the blog also long long never update liao. reason is simple, if ur donning a Grey sick sack, going to a Grey school (i better not say the name or else the NATIONAL guard sure arrest me one then u pple got no more uncle alvin to read), n everyday is so unproductive n uninspiring, u’ll end up wif very little to blog about.

anyway, todae got no art class. so can go home slack around awhile. then i realize hor, hey long time never go pao bu already. n nafa is coming already. so how leh? better run abit lor. if not then die lor.

so run then run lor. quite some time never run already. so i felt really out of breath. but the run gave me a chance to sort things out in my mind n think clearly. after such an exhausting run i took a walk round the park. the first in months. so they sae Anima Sana In Corpore Sano, Sound Mind In A Sound Body. for once i saw beauty in the sound of cars whirring past in the distant highway, beauty in trees by u, forming a protective canopy above u, beauty in the narrow pavements of scattered leaves n buds. it was fast pushing 7pm; the illumination of the evening lamps. its strange that moments like this happen every day right at ur doorstep yet u rarely ever regularly experience it. it was very rewarding, a welcome interruption of the greyness of the life i live now. as much as i hate to admit this.

its funny how...

pain is transient, but so is the other extreme, happiness. but wads life without these 2?

you desire companionship, but it can only be given, not asked for.

we demand a reason, when ur better off not knowing.

we seek far n wide for wad u want, when its right here at the start.

all u’ve got, is all u really need.

things don’t last, but we act like they do.

u covet something wif all ur heart. n u’ll sae u’ll never have it. but if u really deserve it, u’ll eventually get it.

wang zi has stopped talking to me. thats fine by me. but if he has anything against me, i’d prefer that he’d confront me like a man. i’d forgive him wadever. at least we’ll clear up the bad air n start afresh. but i don’t take kindly to childish pple who keep their frustrations to themselves n use them against me, expecting me to understand why, wad n how they’re feeling.

Friday, April 07, 2006

get spotted totally rocked.

NJ Talentine 2006. A night to remember.

grey by day, explosive in action by night. memories to add to alvin’s archive. the powerhouse ecstatic christine next to me offering all the support in the world the performers need. n jason scandalling wif his unstraight inclinations. but um lets not go there. this is not porn site.

TALENTINE WAS A ROCKER MAN!!!! uber cool. performances that really stole the night were Matchsticks, Stickly Wigglies (for their uber fun n laughs), SOMA, n finally, the hot hot fav, New Crew on the Block. n there was this interval where the jazz duo gave it their all on the guitar n piano. they all played, danced n crooned like theres no tommorrow, like they’ve been doing this their entire lives, like theres no limit to the music experience.

that connection wif the audience. the energy they created was amazing. sublime. fantastic. tonight u guys rule man. to all u pple out there, n cj, really appreciate that xtra effort, going that xtra mile to bring vitality to the greyness of life. thanx to u, i’ll never see nj in the same light again. n i bet everyone else who went will remember talentine 06 for many many many yrs to come. walking out of the lt n on the way to the back gate n bus-stop wif qing lun, everybody shared THAT experience. we basked in a somatic high. u go; this is not the reserved, politically correct nj i’ve witnessed. but wad the heck. i never for a moment regretted buying that seemingly nondescript yellow ticket from cj.

i remember qing lun, as usual, smiling n nodding away, just b4 we parted to go home, “see ya on monday haha.”

cya on monday. for me it’ll b back to that grey, but not not already so grey place i call njc.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

prelude

just came back from candelight procession of stations at st joseph’s church, bukit timah. first time i actually participated in thingys of this sort since legion camp in sec 1. it was very how shd i say..relaxing? an experience, i’d say. since walking thru the lifesize stations was kinda therapeutic. n the contemplative mood was enhanced by the soft light from the candles n moonlight.

got back some ct results so far. mostly satisfactory. grades didn’t turn out as badly as i thought. didn’t really work my ass off for cts. though theres one thing. the art d n p paper grade was abit unjustified. but wadever it is, wadever u pple think, i still stand by my work. as for the critiques, point taken. will take note in future. cts aside, teachers r giving us a premonition of wads to come n warning us to work hard to keep up. well so b it. brace urself for days n days that go on end. that seem to stretch like hrs n u feel continually drowned in a pool of work, increasingly constrained by time.

brace urself. here goes.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Within U'll Remain

went to visit grandma n grandpa after mass todae.

drove to their home at poh huat road. my mother bought them some lilies. they blankly stared back at us when we gave it to them. these few years they seem unusually quiet. but i noe, in their heart, they must b happy to see us. each of us had our own private quiet moment wif them. i looked into their quiet eyes n quietly asked them to take care...these daes i don’t get to see both of u around very often.

but they’re probably there, when i get up from bed in the morning, when i go to sch. when i got my o lvl results they silently rejoiced, n i can trust them to b there for me when i receive my As too. wadever the result they'll never lose hope of me. for somewhere in this wide wide world, they’re watching over my family n me, guiding us n protecting us. our 2 humble lilies r but a small way to honor them. i didn’t really get a chance to get to b very close to them when they were around, but wadever. ahma n ahgong, i miss u. i miss u so much.

that was how this yrs qing ming went. quiet n simple. but i wonder abt life after death. i guess nobody has lived to tell the tale. i imagine a faraway place of no sound, no smell, no touch, no taste. will we find true, eternal happiness then? or like so many other things which follow a cyclical creed, r we given a second chance n r reborn into this world on a clean slate? to have a better shot at life once again?

Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.

Remember, man, that you are dust.

And unto dust you shall return.

i wd say that i do not fear death, but after giving it a second thought, i’m not so sure anymore. ahma, ahgong, i’ll b seeing u once again. when my time is up.