Time 4 me to finally face it. to seek closure.
Waiting for the paint to dry. This morning woke up, decided I didn’t like the sky again, so repainted it. Now waiting for this layer to dry b4 I paint another consolidating layer. A symptom of my perfectionism I suppose. Ground is done. And my target to finsh the first (easy) half b4 I go still stands.
That day walking around lot 1 wif harshal brings back so many memories. Mostly bad.
It all began after prelims, where harshal and me went up to lee siew lian to ask y ur notes so lousy one. we mug the model ans (including play up play down the factor) still get so lousy marks. So she gave us some supplementary notes on berlin blockade. they have been termed “Harshal’s secret notes”.
So j chua, sean rodriguez found out abt this, but I played along, say is harshal ask lee siew lian and I also want to get the notes. After all, harshal was still holding on to both copies of lee’s siew lian’s notes at that time. One copy was for me.
So began the dark and scheming saga where cck (excluding eric) plotted to get harshal to study the wrong hints and all that for Os. Ya I noe I’m very bad. But at this stage still play play.
Another separate incident was the part where every dae after sch eric wd follow us sit the same route (190 to lot one) home, then eat lunch there. So we everytime try to run away from him.initially eric was relatively amused and the rest of us also had our share of the fun. But as time wore on, after a mth, he became increasingly irritated and started distancing himself from us. On his blog, he wrote suaned sean and described me and chua as sean’s 2 dogs. U want to read his full pt of view can go his blog and read. Under the oct entries. But over here, I try to present an objective narrative of the incidents that unfolded.
So after that, some stuff unfolded and suddenly j chua and sean Rodriguez switch sides against me. Previously that plan was that 3 of us try to gang up against harshal, wif me as the agent who wd illicit any leaks/hints he wd possess. Apparently, j chua and sean after that did not trust me, and after a while, neither did harshal. A product of my political vacillation. So now both parties including eric ganged up against me. And I later learnt that harshal also gave j chua a copy of the history notes. The full story of y they switch sides, and how they plotted or what not, and who was on who’s side, y eric got involved and all that, up til now remains a mystery. It was a bleak and chaotic period where distrust, backstabbing and dark classroom politics prevailed. Every party itself was at fault, corrupted by false hearsays of the other.the initial weak bonds of friendship that was already present quickly disintegrated as each of us did not noe who to trust. My decision was to depend on myself and not let such ugly motives and actions distract me from concentrating on the Os.
In the end, I was made the black sheep. (something harshal revealed to me that day, after the storm blew over) that j chua had something against me and influenced eric and harshal to steal my calculator right b4 the holidays. Eric was supposed to take it away from me w/o my knowledge. And according to the plan, everybody wd b at home busy preparing for their last lap of chionging for the o lvls and since sch ended there was no way I cd get it back. It seemed that at the last minute eric faltered and passed the calculator to harshal instead. And I found out that my calculator was missing shortly after they took it. Up til then, I still had not suspected any theft, simply assuming that I had left my calculator somewhere. And that 2-faced j chua piece of shit still act innocent wif me when I asked him whether he saw my calculator.
The climax was yet to come, and in typical j chua fashion, peaked wif much drama. It all happened on the morning of the sec4 farewell paraliturgy day, b4 the ceremony itself, where everyone wd sit around in the classrooms and talk cock. Well not for me. It turned out to b a nightmare. Shock at their betrayal. That jospehians were actually capable of doing such things.
Harshal the day b4 that had told me that my calculator was stolen. Y he did that, I also still don’t noe. Everything was so confusing. Everyone was so confused. So I confronted them the morning of the paraliturgy and gave j chua and eric a gd scolding. And after that they tried pushing the blame here and there, say it was this person who started that person who carried out. I didn’t care. What mattered was that I was betrayed by what I thought to b my close friends and I was conveniently made the scrapegoat of everything. So neat. they think I am some harmless useless toy that they can vent all their hatred and pent-up suspicion on in the heat of the confusion isit?
No way. I got it nicely from me. And harshal also. And forced that bugger to that evening come to my house to give me back my calculator. Which he did. So it was kind of like settled.
Looking back, I cd still feel that anger welling up inside me. It taught me that everywhere, even in the supposed safe homeground of the classroom, such nonsense cd also exsist. Haiz. It was the first time that I experienced such feelings of being betrayed and backstabbed, and it taught me to b more introspective. To take care to examine my conscience time and again. It also taught me that wif pple, appearances can, but r not always, deceiving. Just b more careful in future. it made me vow never again to even remotely engage in such kind of things, and immediately distance myself from these kind of pple the moment that they…..but how can u tell ur true friends from those who r not? It’s a fine line here.
But at least up til now, I’m still quite close to harshal. Yes we were very close b4 all these, and those nonsense incidents did soured our friendship abit. But when all is said and done, me and harshal knew that deep down, both of us did not really intend to hurt the other party and from the sincerity in harshal’s tone, I trust him still.
N I heard j chua’s going to drop out of cj and run as a private candidate. Initially I felt quite sad for him, we were such close friends. But now, remembering all these and finding out that he was the one who played this person against the other like pawns in a game, I think he deserves this. What comes around goes around. Yes I still feel sad for his fate, but sorry that he’s such a loser, stuck wif such a lousy life, lousy heart n lousy grades. there r just some pple who r meant to b just consigned to the rubbish bin.
Trying to seek some kind of closure to all these a yr on,…but somehow I can’t. perhaps we’ll have to leave it to time to heal the wound.
alvin ong dozed and watched the sawdust trampled night @ 12:44 PM
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