stress stress stress
I’m feeling overwhelmed by things. Theres the solo exhibtion to rush, n I’m very behind time. I’ve even decided to drop one idea so that remains 3 paintings instead of 4. n I dong noe why the hell I agreed to help out Karen to do some nonsense kidney charity poster. See I dong even noe what its for an I just rashly agreed. Just like that. N initially I wanted to do up some nice Christmas cards wif drawings of the nativity inside, but now, seeing how much I have to do wif the so little time I have, I’ve decided to go for the simple card instead. Yar so feeling disappointed abt that. N there’s Christmas mass hymms to prepare (this one won’t take too much time)…and the biggest worry. holidae hw.
WHAT THE FUCK.
n I noe I brought all these on myself, where actually I cd b just lazing around doing nothing. I shd have just submitted a lousy painting so someone else wd have won n I dong have to worry abt this solo exhibition. I shd have said no to everything else n everyone who came running to me to help out here and there. I shd have just said no. but its all not just me. coz I noe I’ll never ever ever sleep peacefully w/o ensuring that I did my best to submit a gd painting for the uob competition and this solo exhibition paintings. I wd have felt that little voice within me, my conscience, telling me to b giving, to help, to share. I shd especially adopt such a spirit during this advent season nearing Christmas.
arh. feeling so stressed for nothing. The perfectionist within me at work again. I’m killing myself by desire to accomplish everything, telling myself nothing is impossible. But the fact is, some things ARE impossible, giving such time constraints.
my worst nightmare is that I work myself so hard now that come sch reopen where I go back to that grey piece of shit wif my hol hw untouched, teachers already begin to ask for it to b passed up. n they start piling on more work. n that’s not paranoia. it’s a fact. I have noted that some of the assignments r due term 1 week 0. that’s first week of sch for me. n by then I wd have been so burnt out by this painting that I just can’t keep up. this I fear wd come true.
I shall pray. Nothing is impossible wif God.
alvin ong dozed and watched the sawdust trampled night @ 11:24 PM
<< Home