When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory, too
supposed to b mugging, but m not. a lvl revision off to a very slow start. heard some pple got some of their enlistment letters for police n commando. i do hope i go in by end of this yr n not april. i want to haf my 3 mths waiting for uni admission after ns totally free wif absofuckinglutely no commitments at all to make. in the academic sense. maybe in the 3 mths can go backpacking wif sean in europe or some exotic place like nepal or tibet. experience a different lifestyle n culture. well dats after ns. n after the As.
planning to do some business selling paintings after the As. test the mkt, see how things go. on another note, prelims haf a numbing effect. the results r so bad i just don’t really feel anything, except that sickening feeling dat i’ll haf to work hard. it’ll b over in 2 mths time i suppose. then army will take over. but meanwhile..
dat day chanced upon n opportunity to visit sji. by some amazing coincidence bumped into mrs tan outside the hall. she brought me to see my paintings hanging temporarily in the sch library. n as usual, i had to explain the meanings behind the paintings to sec 4s she brought along. sec 4s had the graduation day last sat. standing there n looking at my o level painting, it all came back. walked around the sch, chapel, the sec 4 block, past the canteen. suddenly, it didn’t feel strange realizing that it was not all too long ago that i had graduated as one of them. time does fly. soon, njc and 05ao3 and aep will be a memory too.
in t s eliot’s burnt norton, he talks abt how all the possible ways people might walk across a courtyard add up to a vast dance we can't see; children who aren't there are hiding in the bushes. so wad does it mean to consider things dat might have been? is it possible that our lives consist of multiple realities playing out together at the same time, only invisible to us? wad kind of ‘invisible’ life wd we be leading if we had chosen an alternate path? or can it b, tt everything that happened was meant to happen, n there was ultimately no alternate path? though we plan n live out our daily lifes according to a 24h schedule, somehow, i find that there’s a seamlessness n interconectivity in life that makes it, i dono...timeless?
alvin ong dozed and watched the sawdust trampled night @ 11:34 PM
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